Tag Archives: life

Weight loss wonders

It’s a great thing being a woman. 90 or maybe 80% of the time?..I think? Like many woman both young and old my weight plays a massive part in my life. I have never been overrally confident, infact I’ve never been confident, or at least rarely anyway. Like the majority of woman today I’m the girl who looks in your standard every day mirror and thinks someone’s replaced it with a comedy one from the local fairground fun house.  Mirrors are powerful things, as are minds. I’ve never been obese nor have I ever been skin and bones, neither which I add would want to be. I just want to be ‘normal’ size. But what is normal size? I don’t know as much as the next lady but what I do know Is there no such thing as the perfect weight. So a year gone August I quit making excuses, put off the Inevitable, dug out my will power and made the decision to join slimming world. It was something I had wanted to do for a while but like always in life there’s always something that gets in the way of our plans. ‘I’ll do it next week’, ‘I’ll start on Monday’ ‘weekends don’t count’. I’m not sure who we are trying to kid with these comical beliefs but our waist lines often tell different stories. So there I was, standing in the queue, Book in hand, guilt ridden and felt like I was waiting to be hung for a crime. What came next made me change the last 6 months of my life. I stepped off the scales, disgusted, shocked and annoyed at what I had seen, the first weeks were hard, feeding a big appetite on anything but what you want, swapping habits, crying over kit kats and teaching myself a new lifestyle. I’ve always been active, but when I came across some back issues it stopped me in my tracks quite literally. I’m not saying I was an athlete by any form but when you have to give up something you enjoy its shit. Plain and simple shit. Touche. BUT when life goes you lemons, you make detox Juice right? Or drink it with tequila, you know, whatever you prefer. So lemon choices aside here I am. 6 months later and over a stone lighter, happier and healthier and with a half empty wardrobe. Changing old habits isn’t easy, soul destroying at times, and as I found out on Thursday after I returned to class after 2 weeks off letting things slip, stuffing my face and Just generally thinking I was clever returned back to find I’m now 5lb off my target, feel like I’ve got a spare tyre and sinning that bludy white crusty tiger French stick that just happened to find its way into my gob the night before. So what did I do when I got home? Starved myself? Ate an apple? No, that would be far too dramatic, so instead Face planted a hidden mini lindt bunny, ate a few Malteaser squares and then cried. Twice. Weight isn’t everything, everyone is different, everyone has different views, opinions and philosophys and if you want to eat 10 packets of crisps or 20 mince pies, then albeit. Goals and achievements however make you what you are, they keep you on your toes, make us better people and show us that when we want to we really can put our mind to it and prove not only everyone else but most importantly we can do it for us. So I put 4lb on, yeah, but I enjoyed my 2 weeks with the people I love, eating food I adore and making memories which is what we were put here to do. Sometimes we need a little bump in the road to reset our minds, restart our motors and give us a big stiletto heel up our newly pert arses. We are women, we are born to support, Unite and get through the hardest of times not fall at the smallest hurdles and we don’t lose faith, we were born better than that, we are never alone in our battles and we sometimes forget just how far we have come on our journeys.

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Travelling vibes

There’s just something about travelling that makes the world shine that little bit brighter on dull days. From being a young age adventure that something has been embedded deep within my soul, from an airport buzz to train kicks to open top bus thrills I’ve seen it all and I want to see so much more. Adventure is a massive part of my life, along with photography which thankfully fit pretty much hand in hand at every corner. From the greens of the fresh spring fields and crisp autumn leaves, capturing priceless moments, sharp blue skies and toes in the sand with shells kind of shots. It’s been said that I’m never happy unless I’m doing something, and there has never been truer words spoken. A lot of people don’t know my love for writing, nor did they no of my blog existence and here I am sharing my words with the world. J.K Rowling I ain’t, but there’s something therapeutic about sharing your passion with the world out there. So as I’m sat on the train watching the world go by on one of many planned trips this year I’m already excited for the thought of what’s in store. My heart races at the thought of new experiences. I learnt a few years back on my 6 week adventure to Asia that my inner self was at its best when I was seeing the World, swinging on beach swings, living in island bungalows, stroking tigers and bathing with beautiful elephants really does something for the soul. So I’ve been to Edinburgh, many of times that doesn’t stop me seeking out new sights, getting excited over hard rock cafe burgers and watching the world go by on the Royal mile. I’ve spent many of year working in the travel industry most recently for our flag carrying airline and yet can’t help get a pang of jealousy when people share there excitement for there year planned holidays and first time experiences, feeling a pang of happiness when I can share my love for so many destinations and beautiful cities.

Truth is I might never be rich, but I’ll always be enriched with memories of the world and that’s more than money will ever be worth 😊..

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Travelling vibes

There’s just something about travelling that makes the world shine that little bit brighter on dull days. From being a young age adventure that something has been embedded deep within my soul, from an airport buzz to train kicks to open top bus thrills I’ve seen it all and I want to see so much more. Adventure is a massive part of my life, along with photography which thankfully fit pretty much hand in hand at every corner. From the greens of the fresh spring fields and crisp autumn leaves, capturing priceless moments, sharp blue skies and toes in the sand with shells kind of shots. It’s been said that I’m never happy unless I’m doing something, and there has never been truer words spoken. A lot of people don’t know my love for writing, nor did they no of my blog existence and here I am sharing my words with the world. J.K Rowling I ain’t, but there’s something therapeutic about sharing your passion with the world out there. So as I’m sat on the train watching the world go by on one of many planned trips this year I’m already excited for the thought of what’s in store. My heart races at the thought of new experiences. I learnt a few years back on my 6 week adventure to Asia that my inner self was at its best when I was seeing the World, swinging on beach swings, living in island bungalows, stroking tigers and bathing with beautiful elephants really does something for the soul. So I’ve been to Edinburgh, many of times that doesn’t stop me seeking out new sights, getting excited over hard rock cafe burgers and watching the world go by on the Royal mile. I’ve spent many of year working in the travel industry most recently for our flag carrying airline and yet can’t help get a pang of jealousy when people share there excitement for there year planned holidays and first time experiences, feeling a pang of happiness when I can share my love for so many destinations and beautiful cities.

Truth is I might never be rich, but I’ll always be enriched with memories of the world and that’s more than money will ever be worth 😊..

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March’ing on

Wow. So it’s March, already. How did that happen right? God knows, but holy shit it’s gone quick. Too quick. Remember when you were a little and a year seemed like a long ass age? Well, Welcome to adult hood. Not all its cracked to up to be sometimes right? So I haven’t blogged for a while, and here I am. So it’s been a crazy few months, weeks are rolling into months and speeding there way from under our feet far far too quickly. Life scares me sometimes, like full on puts the shits up me. Things are great, then they aren’t great, then there awesome again. People break up who you think will never part, friends start buying houses, goldfish, having babies and doing crazy shit. I’m not naive in anyway, but if I could live my life from a suitcase on a life time of adventures and experiences that would be me. So I’m never in? Social butterfly if I do say, my life has always been a whirlwind and probably will continue to be so until I’m pushing up the roses (I like to be different and a daisy is sort of a weed). So the last 3 month have been crazy, I lost my best friend and luck behold I got him back, when you lose that piece of your jigsaw, that crucial edge or corner piece that completes your puzzle you just know its meant to be when everything slots perfectly back into place without any gaps or imperfections.So it’s been all go, and there’s still lots in store. I still occasionally get over come by a mid early life melt down that I’m still living at home at 27 and contemplate the fact that I’ll probably be 40 before i ever have kids or get married. What’s the rush? You tell me. It’s a scary age when all you hear about is kids, weddings and the latest diet. Frightening shit. So here I am, just me, going 90 mph at everything I do, getting frustrated with most things and making the most of life, every day off and opportunity I grab life by its big hairy balls and seek a new challenge and like to see new things. It’s March and I’m already in melt down about having no summer holidays planned, like it’s the complete end of the world, sometimes it pays to be spontaneous, take that drive, go for that job and book that one way ticket..Take a break from worrying about bills, and treat yourself. After all we only live once. ✌So on Tuesday we are venturing on a train Trip to Edinburgh, works been crazy and nothing makes me happier than smiles and laughter and the unexpected with my favourite person. What is life without adventures, oh for darling, so very boring and mundane 😊..

It’s a bad day, not a bad life..

We all have bad days right? Those days were we feeling like putting our coats on walking away from it all. We have days were we feel like standing up and screaming, sobbing quietly out of our shot, under the desk or maybe like a banshee in the middle of the office. Probably all of which I’ve done at sometime, if not at the same time. So 2016 started with a bang, there’s plenty good in the pipe line, things that fell apart are in the process of finding the glue that sticks the jigsaw back together, new things on the horizon and adventures and plans galore. So what’s wrong you ask? I’m alive and well and kicking, something at least to be thankful for considering the amount of hideous bad news of late. My mind kicked off with my perfectionist ocd went into melt down last week. When I’m striving and being challenged I’m at my peak, when I feel like I’m losing a battle or not succeeding it hits my world like a freight train. All of my life in could never imagined myself in a sales environment, and yet here I am. My life through a lens the last week I’ve felt like I’ve not been happy unless I’ve got something to worry About. My organised nature frustrated at things that can’t just be done there and then, my impatient nature mixed with my need to get things done there and then. Anxiety is a strange thing and before you know it you’ve mentally created a scenario in your head before even giving it a second thought, in the midst of 5 minutes I’d gone travelling all over again, found a new job and moved to the other side of the world..So things can be tough, what can’t, so as i sit in my midst of a work out after a heavy weekend of glorious food, cocktails and laughter, I find myself thinking, so fuck. Things break, things fix, you eat a burger, work that 5 minutes longer, your late for work, leave that 10 minutes earlier, you don’t hit that target that would have paid for next months debauchery, do that over time and grin and bear it. So goes the saying you get out what you put in, true and utter believer. So it’s February already, I love my job, I hate sitting however at a desk, my goals for 2016?Same as every year, give it my all, continue to work hard at the weight loss and ultimately getting my passion for photography work in the form of my own business off the ground and running. So it’s a long way off?But not totally out of site and that’s the top positive, and I’m still a stone lighter than this time last year so that’s always good..right.?Maybe I spend too much of my time worrying about everyone else and what everyone else wants, what people want to hear or see. This year is about me, it’s about putting myself to the test and pushing boundaries, having confidence in myself to believe in what I want to succeed in and enjoying it all costs, not every day is good, not every day is bad, but each day forward is a footstep forward in this wonderful, chaotic, off track journey of life, making fresh new footprints in the sand along the way..

Auld Lang Syne

So, it’s almost the end of December. Where did that go? Your guess is as good as mine. I live by the philosophy that life is too short as well as many other good people however I feel like I’m meeting myself coming backwards at the minute like a revolving carousel. In the run up to Christmas, my usual favourite festive month I didn’t have my eye on the ball this year, not as organised as usual and felt like the days were taking weeks to pass  Truthfully I wasn’t looking forward to it, it saddens me to say that but I wasn’t. It’s been a long two month but the last couple of weeks things are starting to look up,  I feel myself creeping back, my inner strength more reinforced than ever and my guard higher than the current flood gates. Christmas time is a time for reflection and to share with the special people in your life, Thankfully I have plenty of those, I might only have a small family but my friends make up the remainder. I can’t be more Thankful to the support each and every one of them have shown, both male and female, now I find a slight role reversal with the shoe on the other foot, being strong for not only myself but helping them through hard times and heart ache too. You see, words mean a lot to me, they define people and the world we live in and the fact that few words so little can turn someones day around in the space of a sentence blows me away. Making people feel better is something I love, it gives me a sense of encouragement and reward in life and the thought that someone isn’t battling something alone makes me sleep easier at night. Me? I was the girl that stressed, past tense. Who battles slight anxiety and as she’s writing in the space of a day has managed to remove half the inside of her lip at her own doing. She does things out of principle and learns in her own ways. Christmas has kept my mind busy and It was so nice to spend time with those who keep me afloat. Christmas day as always was a knock out, I never take it for granted that I’m so lucky, the other night I was passing through Newcastle and my heart broke at the sight of people in doorways and with eyes wide at the slight site of a soup kitchen and a meer duvet to keep them warm, no love, no heartfelt home and no festivity just sheer gratitude for something so small. Having had my mind occupied with various events over the yuletide celebrations it hasn’t given me much chance to reflect, in hindsight a godsend. But here the new year descends and the last day or so I’ve felt unsettled, reflected on memories and replayed words, tossing and turning wishing she had a chance to rewind and give 2015 another bash with everything she’s learnt in tow. When someone has been part of your life I guess it’s natural, a bit like a mourning, they aren’t there but the memories are, do they ever think about you? Do they remember everything like you do, do they miss the fun and the laughter and the company on the cold nights, she doesn’t ask cause what does it matter?I find myself awake at night asking questions I may never no, you could ask and not reply, that appears to be the general consensus of late. 2015 has been one hell of a year and despite anything bar recent events I would change nothing else, I learnt how to share and embrace life and learnt to love again, but all the same it’s a lesson learnt. I intend to see the new year in how I intend to continue it, as always making the most of life as i have since the day I arrived and if 2016 means going solo then so be it, anyone whose meant to be in your life will find there way, be your own hero, that way when things go wrong your the only one to blame. So at midnight on Thursday I’ll be raising a toast to all the memories made and the moments shared more than likely with a tearful sparkle in my eye to the people who have loved us and left us behind along the way for more reason than one, looking forward into the future with my eyes wide open and my heart tucked away ready to be the warrior she’s always been and maybe just maybe in time she will find someone who will restore her faith and trust in spoken words and Love. She has been and always will be the girl that can’t say she never tried. So whatever you are and whatever you do on NYE take a minute to reflect on those in your life and how much they mean, you never know when things might change 💛

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Strangers

We think we know it all, right? We think it will never happen to us, we think we know the reasons, the logic, we wonder why us, or where it went wrong, what did we do that caused so much uproar and heart ache. For the last few weeks I’ve had countless scenarios in my head, replayed words spoken a thousand times over and revisited memories that despite everything will never change. So this week I finally had to come face to face with the one person that only a month ago I would have stopped the world to spend 5 minutes with. Fronts are great until the tears show and the cracks appear and everything comes flooding back. All my life I’ve been this girl who would fight for who and what she loves, the warrior who wears her heart on her sleeve just to get it torn off time and time again. There’s many things I like to believe I can fix, make better or simply aid, sadly people’s pasts or state of minds is not one of them,. 6 month ago if you said I would be sat on a park bench like a complete stranger with the one person I thought I’d be sharing my forever with I would have laughed. Guess what, here I am. I’ve hurt, cried, shed tears, lost Sleep, lost the ability to eat, blamed myself for countless things and lost interest in the surrounding world and everything in it. The reality Is there are some things we can’t change in Life, no matter how hard we fight or try, sometimes there are things that can’t be erased or tippexed out. I’ve spent the last few weeks convincing myself I can do this, all the while crumbling a little at the thought of every memory and broken promise. The worst thing about drifting apart from someone you love is when you can’t do anything, nothing, zilch, jack shit. The person you once shared everything with becomes a shadow in the night, a face in the crowd,no other than a stranger. I guess that’s what I struggle with, not being to help people with things that are beyond your control is one thing, watching them become someone you never imagined they would is a whole new story. I grant myself lucky that I shared the time and memories i did with the person I once knew, but hate the fact that the loving, heartfelt charamistic gentleman I fell in love with appears to be now a figment of my imagination. How does that happen? Where does someone go? What are they thinking?That same person that made your soul ache with laughter now makes your heart ache with pain out of sheer frustration that you know They are so much Stronger and better than they anticipate. Sometimes you have to remind yourself that this is life and there isn’t a second chance or a get of jail card waiting at the next corner, it’s hard, what’s not in Life, I’m the first to admit I’m a bit of a ‘Get up and get on with it’ kinda girl. I’ve had heartbreaks, hell have I not, this one? Totally different league, I couldn’t even begin to explain the past or the hurt I’ve gone through when it comes to relationships in the past, unlucky is an understatement but they have made me the Young woman I am today. After a rough ride and 4 years single doing my own thing, travelling the world and researching my soul I finally found I was ready to face the world and look for love, scared and nervous of where to start. What lay next was 10 month, probably one of the, if not the best relationship I’ve ever shared, polar opposites in some aspects and best friends in everything else, sharing our world’s and learning new things every day.
We’ve been apart almost a month now and every day i still pick my phone up for my favourite morning messages, I still go to my speed dial on my breaks hoping to hear his voice and hear everything’s going to be OK, it’s a hard realisation when you figure the one person you shared everything with is no longer a part of you and even harder when you feel your now just another number in there phone book. Heartbreak is tiring and mentally draining, it sends your mind into over drive and your heart into melt down, it’s a long process and I know I’ve got a while before the forest clears and I can see the path again. There comes a time, however painful when you realise if someone wants you in their life they will try, if they need you they will make the effort, there might come a day when they even realise the carnage they caused. But that day might never come, you might never hear the words you want or make sense of everything that has happened, strength comes with time and time comes with life, so like every other time before she will pick up pace, keep her head on her shoulders and focus back into the game whilst surrounding herself with the beautiful people in her life that help make her life what it is, she will look back one day and realise how far she’s come, she will reflect on the memories and remember the person she once knew and the things she learnt along the way, making track on her own and trying to make sense of life along the way, you were strangers once before and here you are again. But you can’t help someone who refuses to let you in. What will be will be, and what’s meant to be will always find its way. Until then being strong is the only way she knows.