Weight loss wonders

It’s a great thing being a woman. 90 or maybe 80% of the time?..I think? Like many woman both young and old my weight plays a massive part in my life. I have never been overrally confident, infact I’ve never been confident, or at least rarely anyway. Like the majority of woman today I’m the girl who looks in your standard every day mirror and thinks someone’s replaced it with a comedy one from the local fairground fun house.  Mirrors are powerful things, as are minds. I’ve never been obese nor have I ever been skin and bones, neither which I add would want to be. I just want to be ‘normal’ size. But what is normal size? I don’t know as much as the next lady but what I do know Is there no such thing as the perfect weight. So a year gone August I quit making excuses, put off the Inevitable, dug out my will power and made the decision to join slimming world. It was something I had wanted to do for a while but like always in life there’s always something that gets in the way of our plans. ‘I’ll do it next week’, ‘I’ll start on Monday’ ‘weekends don’t count’. I’m not sure who we are trying to kid with these comical beliefs but our waist lines often tell different stories. So there I was, standing in the queue, Book in hand, guilt ridden and felt like I was waiting to be hung for a crime. What came next made me change the last 6 months of my life. I stepped off the scales, disgusted, shocked and annoyed at what I had seen, the first weeks were hard, feeding a big appetite on anything but what you want, swapping habits, crying over kit kats and teaching myself a new lifestyle. I’ve always been active, but when I came across some back issues it stopped me in my tracks quite literally. I’m not saying I was an athlete by any form but when you have to give up something you enjoy its shit. Plain and simple shit. Touche. BUT when life goes you lemons, you make detox Juice right? Or drink it with tequila, you know, whatever you prefer. So lemon choices aside here I am. 6 months later and over a stone lighter, happier and healthier and with a half empty wardrobe. Changing old habits isn’t easy, soul destroying at times, and as I found out on Thursday after I returned to class after 2 weeks off letting things slip, stuffing my face and Just generally thinking I was clever returned back to find I’m now 5lb off my target, feel like I’ve got a spare tyre and sinning that bludy white crusty tiger French stick that just happened to find its way into my gob the night before. So what did I do when I got home? Starved myself? Ate an apple? No, that would be far too dramatic, so instead Face planted a hidden mini lindt bunny, ate a few Malteaser squares and then cried. Twice. Weight isn’t everything, everyone is different, everyone has different views, opinions and philosophys and if you want to eat 10 packets of crisps or 20 mince pies, then albeit. Goals and achievements however make you what you are, they keep you on your toes, make us better people and show us that when we want to we really can put our mind to it and prove not only everyone else but most importantly we can do it for us. So I put 4lb on, yeah, but I enjoyed my 2 weeks with the people I love, eating food I adore and making memories which is what we were put here to do. Sometimes we need a little bump in the road to reset our minds, restart our motors and give us a big stiletto heel up our newly pert arses. We are women, we are born to support, Unite and get through the hardest of times not fall at the smallest hurdles and we don’t lose faith, we were born better than that, we are never alone in our battles and we sometimes forget just how far we have come on our journeys.

Travelling vibes

There’s just something about travelling that makes the world shine that little bit brighter on dull days. From being a young age adventure that something has been embedded deep within my soul, from an airport buzz to train kicks to open top bus thrills I’ve seen it all and I want to see so much more. Adventure is a massive part of my life, along with photography which thankfully fit pretty much hand in hand at every corner. From the greens of the fresh spring fields and crisp autumn leaves, capturing priceless moments, sharp blue skies and toes in the sand with shells kind of shots. It’s been said that I’m never happy unless I’m doing something, and there has never been truer words spoken. A lot of people don’t know my love for writing, nor did they no of my blog existence and here I am sharing my words with the world. J.K Rowling I ain’t, but there’s something therapeutic about sharing your passion with the world out there. So as I’m sat on the train watching the world go by on one of many planned trips this year I’m already excited for the thought of what’s in store. My heart races at the thought of new experiences. I learnt a few years back on my 6 week adventure to Asia that my inner self was at its best when I was seeing the World, swinging on beach swings, living in island bungalows, stroking tigers and bathing with beautiful elephants really does something for the soul. So I’ve been to Edinburgh, many of times that doesn’t stop me seeking out new sights, getting excited over hard rock cafe burgers and watching the world go by on the Royal mile. I’ve spent many of year working in the travel industry most recently for our flag carrying airline and yet can’t help get a pang of jealousy when people share there excitement for there year planned holidays and first time experiences, feeling a pang of happiness when I can share my love for so many destinations and beautiful cities.

Truth is I might never be rich, but I’ll always be enriched with memories of the world and that’s more than money will ever be worth 😊..

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Travelling vibes

There’s just something about travelling that makes the world shine that little bit brighter on dull days. From being a young age adventure that something has been embedded deep within my soul, from an airport buzz to train kicks to open top bus thrills I’ve seen it all and I want to see so much more. Adventure is a massive part of my life, along with photography which thankfully fit pretty much hand in hand at every corner. From the greens of the fresh spring fields and crisp autumn leaves, capturing priceless moments, sharp blue skies and toes in the sand with shells kind of shots. It’s been said that I’m never happy unless I’m doing something, and there has never been truer words spoken. A lot of people don’t know my love for writing, nor did they no of my blog existence and here I am sharing my words with the world. J.K Rowling I ain’t, but there’s something therapeutic about sharing your passion with the world out there. So as I’m sat on the train watching the world go by on one of many planned trips this year I’m already excited for the thought of what’s in store. My heart races at the thought of new experiences. I learnt a few years back on my 6 week adventure to Asia that my inner self was at its best when I was seeing the World, swinging on beach swings, living in island bungalows, stroking tigers and bathing with beautiful elephants really does something for the soul. So I’ve been to Edinburgh, many of times that doesn’t stop me seeking out new sights, getting excited over hard rock cafe burgers and watching the world go by on the Royal mile. I’ve spent many of year working in the travel industry most recently for our flag carrying airline and yet can’t help get a pang of jealousy when people share there excitement for there year planned holidays and first time experiences, feeling a pang of happiness when I can share my love for so many destinations and beautiful cities.

Truth is I might never be rich, but I’ll always be enriched with memories of the world and that’s more than money will ever be worth 😊..

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March’ing on

Wow. So it’s March, already. How did that happen right? God knows, but holy shit it’s gone quick. Too quick. Remember when you were a little and a year seemed like a long ass age? Well, Welcome to adult hood. Not all its cracked to up to be sometimes right? So I haven’t blogged for a while, and here I am. So it’s been a crazy few months, weeks are rolling into months and speeding there way from under our feet far far too quickly. Life scares me sometimes, like full on puts the shits up me. Things are great, then they aren’t great, then there awesome again. People break up who you think will never part, friends start buying houses, goldfish, having babies and doing crazy shit. I’m not naive in anyway, but if I could live my life from a suitcase on a life time of adventures and experiences that would be me. So I’m never in? Social butterfly if I do say, my life has always been a whirlwind and probably will continue to be so until I’m pushing up the roses (I like to be different and a daisy is sort of a weed). So the last 3 month have been crazy, I lost my best friend and luck behold I got him back, when you lose that piece of your jigsaw, that crucial edge or corner piece that completes your puzzle you just know its meant to be when everything slots perfectly back into place without any gaps or imperfections.So it’s been all go, and there’s still lots in store. I still occasionally get over come by a mid early life melt down that I’m still living at home at 27 and contemplate the fact that I’ll probably be 40 before i ever have kids or get married. What’s the rush? You tell me. It’s a scary age when all you hear about is kids, weddings and the latest diet. Frightening shit. So here I am, just me, going 90 mph at everything I do, getting frustrated with most things and making the most of life, every day off and opportunity I grab life by its big hairy balls and seek a new challenge and like to see new things. It’s March and I’m already in melt down about having no summer holidays planned, like it’s the complete end of the world, sometimes it pays to be spontaneous, take that drive, go for that job and book that one way ticket..Take a break from worrying about bills, and treat yourself. After all we only live once. ✌So on Tuesday we are venturing on a train Trip to Edinburgh, works been crazy and nothing makes me happier than smiles and laughter and the unexpected with my favourite person. What is life without adventures, oh for darling, so very boring and mundane 😊..

It’s a bad day, not a bad life..

We all have bad days right? Those days were we feeling like putting our coats on walking away from it all. We have days were we feel like standing up and screaming, sobbing quietly out of our shot, under the desk or maybe like a banshee in the middle of the office. Probably all of which I’ve done at sometime, if not at the same time. So 2016 started with a bang, there’s plenty good in the pipe line, things that fell apart are in the process of finding the glue that sticks the jigsaw back together, new things on the horizon and adventures and plans galore. So what’s wrong you ask? I’m alive and well and kicking, something at least to be thankful for considering the amount of hideous bad news of late. My mind kicked off with my perfectionist ocd went into melt down last week. When I’m striving and being challenged I’m at my peak, when I feel like I’m losing a battle or not succeeding it hits my world like a freight train. All of my life in could never imagined myself in a sales environment, and yet here I am. My life through a lens the last week I’ve felt like I’ve not been happy unless I’ve got something to worry About. My organised nature frustrated at things that can’t just be done there and then, my impatient nature mixed with my need to get things done there and then. Anxiety is a strange thing and before you know it you’ve mentally created a scenario in your head before even giving it a second thought, in the midst of 5 minutes I’d gone travelling all over again, found a new job and moved to the other side of the world..So things can be tough, what can’t, so as i sit in my midst of a work out after a heavy weekend of glorious food, cocktails and laughter, I find myself thinking, so fuck. Things break, things fix, you eat a burger, work that 5 minutes longer, your late for work, leave that 10 minutes earlier, you don’t hit that target that would have paid for next months debauchery, do that over time and grin and bear it. So goes the saying you get out what you put in, true and utter believer. So it’s February already, I love my job, I hate sitting however at a desk, my goals for 2016?Same as every year, give it my all, continue to work hard at the weight loss and ultimately getting my passion for photography work in the form of my own business off the ground and running. So it’s a long way off?But not totally out of site and that’s the top positive, and I’m still a stone lighter than this time last year so that’s always good..right.?Maybe I spend too much of my time worrying about everyone else and what everyone else wants, what people want to hear or see. This year is about me, it’s about putting myself to the test and pushing boundaries, having confidence in myself to believe in what I want to succeed in and enjoying it all costs, not every day is good, not every day is bad, but each day forward is a footstep forward in this wonderful, chaotic, off track journey of life, making fresh new footprints in the sand along the way..

Auld Lang Syne

So, it’s almost the end of December. Where did that go? Your guess is as good as mine. I live by the philosophy that life is too short as well as many other good people however I feel like I’m meeting myself coming backwards at the minute like a revolving carousel. In the run up to Christmas, my usual favourite festive month I didn’t have my eye on the ball this year, not as organised as usual and felt like the days were taking weeks to pass  Truthfully I wasn’t looking forward to it, it saddens me to say that but I wasn’t. It’s been a long two month but the last couple of weeks things are starting to look up,  I feel myself creeping back, my inner strength more reinforced than ever and my guard higher than the current flood gates. Christmas time is a time for reflection and to share with the special people in your life, Thankfully I have plenty of those, I might only have a small family but my friends make up the remainder. I can’t be more Thankful to the support each and every one of them have shown, both male and female, now I find a slight role reversal with the shoe on the other foot, being strong for not only myself but helping them through hard times and heart ache too. You see, words mean a lot to me, they define people and the world we live in and the fact that few words so little can turn someones day around in the space of a sentence blows me away. Making people feel better is something I love, it gives me a sense of encouragement and reward in life and the thought that someone isn’t battling something alone makes me sleep easier at night. Me? I was the girl that stressed, past tense. Who battles slight anxiety and as she’s writing in the space of a day has managed to remove half the inside of her lip at her own doing. She does things out of principle and learns in her own ways. Christmas has kept my mind busy and It was so nice to spend time with those who keep me afloat. Christmas day as always was a knock out, I never take it for granted that I’m so lucky, the other night I was passing through Newcastle and my heart broke at the sight of people in doorways and with eyes wide at the slight site of a soup kitchen and a meer duvet to keep them warm, no love, no heartfelt home and no festivity just sheer gratitude for something so small. Having had my mind occupied with various events over the yuletide celebrations it hasn’t given me much chance to reflect, in hindsight a godsend. But here the new year descends and the last day or so I’ve felt unsettled, reflected on memories and replayed words, tossing and turning wishing she had a chance to rewind and give 2015 another bash with everything she’s learnt in tow. When someone has been part of your life I guess it’s natural, a bit like a mourning, they aren’t there but the memories are, do they ever think about you? Do they remember everything like you do, do they miss the fun and the laughter and the company on the cold nights, she doesn’t ask cause what does it matter?I find myself awake at night asking questions I may never no, you could ask and not reply, that appears to be the general consensus of late. 2015 has been one hell of a year and despite anything bar recent events I would change nothing else, I learnt how to share and embrace life and learnt to love again, but all the same it’s a lesson learnt. I intend to see the new year in how I intend to continue it, as always making the most of life as i have since the day I arrived and if 2016 means going solo then so be it, anyone whose meant to be in your life will find there way, be your own hero, that way when things go wrong your the only one to blame. So at midnight on Thursday I’ll be raising a toast to all the memories made and the moments shared more than likely with a tearful sparkle in my eye to the people who have loved us and left us behind along the way for more reason than one, looking forward into the future with my eyes wide open and my heart tucked away ready to be the warrior she’s always been and maybe just maybe in time she will find someone who will restore her faith and trust in spoken words and Love. She has been and always will be the girl that can’t say she never tried. So whatever you are and whatever you do on NYE take a minute to reflect on those in your life and how much they mean, you never know when things might change 💛

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Learning Curves

5 weeks. Doesn’t sound long does it? In reality, it’s not, when I look back to this time last year the last year seems like it’s gone in the blink of an eye, Another year ready to end and a new page ready to turn, new chapters ready to be written and memories ready to be made. It’s a Far cry from the ending I was ready and excited by far, but 5 weeks ago I thought the pain was never gonna end and here I am. It’s a true quote that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, cliché but spot on. From January to November I felt like my life was working against the clock, fighting to fit in Love, life and everything in it, Fueled like a rocket and ready to blast the future ahead. When I was a little girl a year sounded like a long time, if only we were still so young and naive, truth being the older I get the quicker and scarier they disappear in front of our own eyes. The last month? Has gone far from quick, I’ve felt like I’ve spent every day looking at the clock, watching the big hand tick round and clock every hour, from minute to second. Why? I couldn’t tell you. Maybe as they say times a healer, maybe I want to be healed, sometimes I look in the mirror and have to remind myself I have done this before. Having looked at every scenario from every angle in the space of however many days, it’s clear to say that even Van Gogh couldn’t paint a clear picture of the recent events my heart and I have endured all at the hands of one person. Its been far from an easy ride, it’s been hard, fucking hard, know one expects the rug to be pulled from beneath there feet or have there world turned upside down. The sad reality is, it happens every minute of every day all over the world. I’ve learnt things, things I thought I’d never learn, things I thought and controlled and never did, I’ve learned how to manage and cope and realise that there is more to life than worrying about things that quite frankly, are worth nothing. Like everything there’s good and bad days, some days I feel strong and level headed and ready to fight the world, other days my heart aches,.silently, wishing she could change the world, replaying the last however many months of her Life, scenarios, moments of laughter and joy and words shared, staring at that empty seat that was once filled with so much hope. But what good does it do her? We all know the answer. For weeks I missed my sparkle, missed hearing myself laugh and my eyes shine in the sun, this once happy go lucky girl feeling a shell of her once energetic self. After a few sleepless nights and a bit self convincing, I decided it was time to give my head a shake, the person that caused all this doubt and pain is not the same person you fell in love with all those months ago, it’s not the same person who shared those times or spoke those words. Sometimes things happen that make you sit up and think, shit, despite everything how lucky I am. In the space of 3 days I’d heard things from 3 friends that made me do just that. Moments like this make you stand back and reevaluate life, something that a lot of people rarely do, we all have problems, we all have things we don’t want to face or fears we don’t want to cross but truth is whatever your going through, there’s always someone troubled by something far worse. It’s how you handle it that makes all the difference.
Occupying the mind is a vicious circle, keeping busy and grounded is a toxic mix. I’ve never been one for staying in, I was born for adventure and fun and that’s what I’ve attempted to achieve for the last 27 years of my life much to the dismay of some jealous eyes. I enjoy life, so what? That’s my character and a huge part of my personality, it gives me a huge buzz to explore new things, cultures, hobbies and experiences, so goes my work hard play hard kinda motto. So for the last few weeks I’ve surrounded myself with those who feed my soul, show me the true meaning of friendship and learn me that lifes really all not that bad. On Tuesday I decided to go ice skating with my best friend, having not been since I was last a child’s school party I was interested to see the outcome and couldn’t wait to push everything to the back of my mind. In those few hours I found a little piece of myself return, coached by the one person whose always there to help me along the way, we laughed, and it felt good to feel the wind through my hair as I found confidence in myself to do something I’ve been afraid to try again following one fall. Spending time with friends helps enrich the soul and restore faith in things you feel can never be refound, it feels good to get reassurance and hope from those you might not see every day but you always know they are there, it doesn’t change how you feel but it gives you that glimmer of hope that things aren’t always going to be this way. So a week today it’s Christmas Day, my favorite time of the year, amongst the hectic chaos of life that is work and trying to fit everything in if anything I’m going to enjoy it, stay strong and keep my head up high, life has it’s ways of throwing us some harsh learning curves, but if we don’t fight through them, what have we learnt?